WITHIN TEMPTATION LYRICS - The Silent Force (2004)

WITHIN TEMPTATION LYRICS - The Silent Force (2004): "A Dangerous Mind
[Bonus track]

I'm searching for answers
'cause something is not right.
I follow the signs,
I'm close to the fire.

I fear that soon you'll reveal
Your dangerous mind.

[Chorus:]
It's in your eyes, what's on your mind.
I fear your smile and the promise inside.
It's in your eyes, what's on your mind.
I fear your presence, I'm frozen inside.

I'm searching for answers
Not questioned before.
The curse of awareness,
There's no peace of mind.
As your true colours show
A dangerous sign.

[Chorus 2:]
It's in your eyes, what's on your mind.
I see the truth that you've buried inside.
It's in your eyes, what's on your mind.
There is no mercy just anger I find.

I just have know, while I still have time.
Do I have to run, or hide away from you?

[Chorus 2]"

Not Writers Block... Just Some Setbacks

So... I haven't really posted in a while. I've been busy with all sorts of things. Alot of stress about everything. Sometimes things can get to be too much; and though I use strong emotion to write, it doesn't mean that the things I write are just rants. It's how I feel. Every once and a while, things will get to be slightly more than I can handle. Which is why I haven't posted in a while. I have ,however, been doing some writing in my journal. I hope to get some of that up tonight. I've been writing alot of songs lately, so I'll give you some good phrases from them.

"I'm gonna cause a full on war
And I won't stop 'til they drop to the floor.
I'm fighting this battle, I'm holding my sword.
No I won't give up now "

. . . . . . . . . . .

"There's a tree out in the back.
I watch this snow like broken glass;
Cause as it fall, it shines
And this mem'ry of mine
Brings up a picture of your face.

Inside I feel the summer air.
I feel your fingers in my hair.
Us laughing loud on the ground,
You're all I'm thinkin' of now.
Oh I miss you when you're gone. "

May I Quote You On That ?

[ Death ] It's the inevidable truth waiting at the end of everyones biography.
- Pat Gould

Adam Gontier

Things I Say Out Loud ( The Second Of Three )

"          Our flaws are not our downfall. They are just the path to insecurity, which is our downfall. We all worry about what we're doing wrong at some point in time. We're self-conscious of our quirks. It's taken me a long time to realize that our flaws are what make us all beautiful. I'm not saying that I don't think about them ever, because I do. I'm human. But I'm more accepting of them now more than I was a week ago, or a day ago for that matter. If you let them fill you up, you're gonna hate yourself. Trust me (persons name), I've been there. You're a beautiful person, inside and out. And never let anyone tell you otherwise"

"           There's no such thing as a person really being broken. It's a comparison. You can say you feel broken or incomplete, but what you're feeling is emotion. Now you have one of two options here. But both with endless possibilities. The first, is you can hold it all in. But that won't really help you much in the long run. In my experience, you end up letting it out in bursts. Everything builds up inside you to the point that your heart and thoughts are saturated with those feelings. So it spills out all at once.

              Now you have option two. Do something about it. With me, it's writing and music. But it can be anything! Just channel your emotions into it. Your whole heart, your fears, your strengths. To just let it out makes going through things, or being strong that much easier. If you need me, I'm here for you. Because I've been through almost the exact things you have. I wish I had someone to tell me I wasn't alone when I was in your position. So I'm telling you now, you aren't alone. You'll get through, because you're stong. I know you are."

"             Passion? Idk. I guess you can say it's when you have so much love from something, and it makes you so happy, that it's one of the monumental parts in your life. It's your cornerstone. You're life tends to lean towards making sure that passion stays in your life. Now passion can be helpful to you, or it can be harmful. It depends on the passion. If it's something that is hurting everyone around you, then I wouldn't call that helpful. And I wouldn't call drugs a passion, I'd call that addiction or obsession. But if it's a person, well that's just the greatest feeling in the world now isn't it :) "





Make A U-Turn

Radio Waves. Puncturing my brain.

Emitting more pain than the hearts of the dying.

Pounding. Throbbing. Crack my skull.

Let my thoughts bleed on the floor.

Cardiac arrest. Explode from my chest.

A final goodbye to my metronome.

This throat to tear at, this throat to burn.

First the right. Then the left.

Last and final. Never again.

Seal it up, forever.

Truth In The Past

Things I Say Out Loud ( The First Of About Three )

"How can I help myself, when I can't see myself... I feel like I'm looking into a broken mirror, and in each one theres a different reflection than the other. But I don't recognize any of the faces looking back."

 

"          The way I see it, all parts of life can be described as a jigsaw puzzle. Sometimes, you get into a position where you think you've solved the puzzle. But for some reason, you feel like it's missing something. So you look until you see you've lost a piece. You crawl on your hands and knees looking for that one damn piece. Then about an hour later, you give up, and flop down on the couch. All hope lost. Then when you reach for the remote, you notice the piece just laying next to your foot. So you run over and put it in place, and the puzzle is complete. That's love.

 

            Friendship is different. Friendship is when you're first starting the puzzle. You start out with one little puzzle piece in your hand. So you look and you look, then you finally find a piece that goes with it. So you keep building and building this puzzle. And sometimes you mess up and put pieces in the wrong spot. But you fix it when you realize it doesn't belong there. Finally you complete the puzzle... Your web of friends. The closer the piece is to you, the closer they are to your heart.

 

            Sometimes pieces break, that's called death. Each piece of the puzzle represents (a) life. The process of assembling the puzzle, that's growing up. And looking at the masterpiece you've made by the end, well that's a life well lived."

 

"I choose truth over forgiveness and compassion over hope. Though they're linked together, aren't the same. Sometimes forgiveness can't follow truth because it's to dark to overlook. And though you can show compassion, sometimes the situation's hopeless."

 

"For him, I'd do anything. I'd pick each and every star out of the sky and bottle their light up. And do you know why? Because seeing the smile on his face means I'm doing something right. If he's happy, than I can sleep peacefully tonight. If he's in pain, I will do anything to make him feel better, if only for a few moments. Whatever it takes, I will be there for him. Love isn't about words. It's so much more than that. Love is when suddenly you're world revolves around the happiness of someone. No words or actions can fully explain the emotions in your brain. But what you do know, is that you never want to see them unhappy. So when I say that I'll be his one man army... I mean I'll tear down every mountain that intimidates him. Or any person in the way of his happiness."

 

 

Taking * T I M E *

So basically some shit is just getting to hard to handle. I need some time to sit alone and figure out whats wrong in my head. My nightmares all came back, and this cliff is just too steep. I don't want to risk falling of because this time I surely won't survive. I don't want my world to unlace, crumble and fall. Like it did time and time again, and it want to long ago. I need to figure out whats more important, and how all this should be handled. I don't know if i can make it on my own, but I guess I'll try. I'm not gonna say any goodbyes, I know it isn't coming to that. But I might disappear for a little, but I'll be back soon, with you again.

Some Lyrics I'll Never Forget

Her eyes are watering

I said we're better off this way
Things change
It's happening everyday
He'll come and take my place and show you things that I just couldn't face
We'll sit and sing a song of what we did wrong
Love Seat - The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus

You say it's time to get over the pain

I still
I still love her
You say it's time to get over the pain
I still
I still love her
I still love her
Kins And Carrol - The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus

When you go

Would you even turn to say
"I don't love you
Like I did
Yesterday"
I Don't Love You - My Chemical Romance

Tell Me How To [ Live ] And To Learn How To Say Godbye

I will never fully understand what goes on in that mind of yours. Nor will you mine. For a long time I felt like no one actually knew what it felt like to go through something and come out a different person. A changed person. I never thought that anyone would be able to comprehend what it's like to feel mental pain. Then something happened. When you came along, not only did I realize that things can get better. But I realized that I'm not the only one who hurts in the world. You helped me through alot. You've helped me realize that I can't just shut people out the way I often do. That there are people that will catch me when I fall, and hold me when I cry. People who love me. When you hurt as much as I did, you loose sight of things like love and compassion. I'm not saying that I'm fully ready to let go of what happened. But I am ready to accept the fact that it happened. Life's going to move on. I'm writing this not only to show you where I stand, but also for anybody who has been through trauma in their lives. Whether you know  it or not, it gets better. Trust me, it doesn't seem it now. I've been in that position before. You think you can't get over it ever. That you're trapt. But you aren't. Darkness isn't permanent, just like the night. Eventually the warmth of the morning sun will hit your face. It's the most beautiful feeling you could ever think to experience. It's worth it. And if you can get through the storm, you can make it through anything. You come out stronger and wiser. The war stories you hold are some of the scariest out there. Be proud of yourself to know that, yes, you made it through the high water. Hold your head high, and remember you are a survivor. Remember that you are loved, and you are strong. And you are not alone.

A Story Detailed And Anonymous As I Am

It started with a simple smile. Nothing more, nothing less. If I knew back then what I know now, I would have never smiled back. Fast forward 2 weeks... we were talking on the bleachers. I still remember the things you said to me. If only I had seen the insanity in your eyes. I would have ran. You built me up, told me everything was okay. That you wouldn't let me get hurt again. And then, the venom sunk in. You threw me into your vortex of lies. Of course I crumbled to my knees. But still there you were, insisting it was the right way. I caved in and went along, even though I was spinning down. And somewhere between the lies and the fear, I still had some weird idea that it wasn't really who you were. Fast forward about 2 years give or take, and I know you have something planned. I've dealt with you long enough and gave up fighting a while ago. You were such a terrible normality. But then that night, someone intercepted. A variable changed in the equation... and changed me for life. I'll never know what drove the action, well not fully anyways. But it left you speechless like the way it left me. Now its over a year later, and I'm nowhere near over it. Nor will I ever be. But in time, the pain will dull, and though I won't be over it... I'll learn to live with it. Because of you, I could say I'm stronger. On the other hand, I'm weaker as well. Both of you are the skeletons in my closet... the holes in my story. You are the inconsistency in my alibi. I can't help but sit and wonder what goes on in your head. You showed no remorse. I hate you, and I always will. Hearing your name makes my heart cringe in loathing. But I will never let you bring me down again. I hardly resemble the person I once was. And I'm done with you.

High Anxiety - - - - - x - -

My fists clench up, mimicking the action of my airway. My chest starts to heave. Lungs are burning for air. Heart rate spikes, temperature rises. My head is spinning even though I'm sitting down. As hard as I try, my eyes won't focus. My mind goes crazy as if on fast forward; But the world around me seems so slow. Images flashing across the insides of my eyelids. Just breathe... that's all, just breathe. I tell myself. But it seems the message isn't clear. I'm on the ground, knees collapsed. I feel the floor under me. I try to ground myself. Heart's beating faster, I close my eyes. Trying to calm down. It's like a weight that never lifts, it's the world on your shoulders. The people around you, hundreds of them. It's in your skin and the air you breathe. Electric nerves. 

            a n x i e t y . . .

Faith... It Drives Me -Away- ... But It Turns Me On

I'm gonna sit here in this bed, and unravel the world with my mind. The neurons in my brain are lighting up from electric currents. Breathe in deep... exhale. Seeing the world through a new set of eyes. Every colour more vibrant than the rainbows ever were in my dreams. Guitars hitting chords and sounding like sirens. I close my eyes and bring myself to my own little world. I can feel the sun on my face, I can hear oceans waves. My opposing side filled with dark emotion lays just across the bay. The boatman sits and waits to take me back someday. Of course eventually I'll go back, but not forever. There's no escaping the inevitable. Inhale, exhale... opening my eyes. I'm singing out loud. I'm in the clouds, and don't want to come down. Don't bring me down, not now. I feel you on the tips of my fingers and my nerve endings are screaming. Your soul's like sunbeams. I love you. It fills me up, don't bring me down. Not now at least. Hearts beat as one. For now this moment fills me up. Until, my love, I drop again.

ﻻ ﻉ√٥ﺎ ٱoц

- - - - - - - - Cut Here X - - - - -

I can't believe you're fucking doing this to me! After all I've fucking gone through for you... you fucking lie to me. You've changed and I don't like who you've become. You aren't the same and I hate that. I don't even want to cry at this point... I want to go in my room and deal with this my own fucking way. FUCKING LIE TO ME!!!!!! I only cared about you... that's all. So that makes me not good enough for the truth!?! You fucking jackass. Everyone warned me that you'd do this. But I didn't listen. You know why? Because I'm in fucking love with you. FUCKING HANG ME!!!!! You think I WANT to be in love... you just happened. It scares the shit out of me! You're fucking killing what we have. You've lied so many times. Just stop. Pick one...

Its me or the drugs....

These - Stars - And This Night

Sometimes you need the feel of raindrops on your skin
Just to know that you're alive.
It takes the lightning strike to make your senses come back
To this fake reality.
Just take my hand, my love, and then we'll go,
Far beyond where the oceans reach.

So tonight for once let's take our chances
Let's gamble all our dreams.
I swear baby it'll be worth it in the end.
Because we'll beat the odds.
We'll make it through and come out with more that we started
And we can be happy in one anothers arms.

I'll kiss you under midnight stars
Our heart will beat the same.
No matter what my eyes and my heart are fixated on you
My love is forever.
Just hold me close like you always do...
Let your heartbeat be my lullaby

In These [Eyes] . . .

In these cries, you hear the past.

In these lies, I weld my mask.

In these hopes that wither away

When every second equals a day

In these dreams, relive my pain.

In these seems that split in shame.

In every single word you spoke.

The songs we sung with every note.

It was you who destroyed everything I love.

My tears make a puddle that spells you name

These scars representing what you never gave me

In these eyes I hope you see how much hatred's there for you.

So why can't you look at me? In these eyes...

In these songs, In every beat.

In these fears, you've taken over me.

In these knives, there is no love.

In these knives that hold no love.

In all these faces looking back at me.

In all the letters you will never read.

In these hearts, there in no love.

In your heart that holds no love.

It was you who destroyed everything I love.

My tears make a puddle that spells you name
These scars representing what you never gave me
In these eyes I hope you see how much hatred's there for you.
But with every tear that I'll never cry
So why can't you look at me? In these eyes...
And In these eyes that burn into your skull
These eyes that saw the toucher your mind holds
And through these eyes I saw you for, everything you never were.
So look at me, just look at me, just look into these cold eyes...
Now look at me, oh look at me, afraid to look in my eyes.
See how strong that they've become

My tears make a puddle that spells you name
These scars representing what you never gave me
In these eyes I hope you see how much hatred's there for you.
But with every tear that I'll never cry
So why can't you look at me? In these eyes...

See how strong that they've become.
See how strong that I've become.



Tighten It Up - Confide

I can't stop don't tell me to stop now


I'm going I'm leaving for you

Don't try to hold me back because

Nothing will stop me

I can't stop don't tell me to stop now

I'm going I'm leaving for you

Don't try to hold me back because

Nothing will stop me



I'll be the one to break the mold and move on

I'll be the one to break the mold and move on



So come to me

(I'll make you clean)

I'll make you clean cuz I can see

(What you are going through)

What you're going through

So come to me

(I'll make you clean)

I'll make you clean cuz I can see

(What you are going through)

What you're going through

So come to...



I'm so sure this is where you want me

I'm seeing the way that you do

I need a sign right now because

I'm waiting for something

I'm so sure this is where you want me

I'm seeing the way that you do

I need a sign right now because

I'm waiting for something



I'll be the one to break the mold and move on

I'll be the one to break the mold and move on



So come to me

(I'll make you clean)

I'll make you clean cuz I can see

(What you are going through)

What you're going through

So come to me

(I'll make you clean)

I'll make you clean cuz I can see

(What you are going through)

What you're going through

So come to...



We've come too far to

Lose all that you build

It's all that we have

It's all that we know

We've come too far to

Lose all that you build

It's all that we have

It's all that we know



So come to me

I'll make you clean cuz I can...

(I can see!)

(What you are going through)

What you're going through

So come to me

(I'll make you clean)

I'll make you clean cuz I can see

(What you are going through)

What you're going through

So come to me

I'll make you clean cuz I can...

MUSE And Stuff....

Do it on your own. It makes no difference to me. What you leave behind, What you choose to be. And whatever they say... Your souls unbreakable. During the struggle they will pull us down. But please, please let's use this chance to turn things around. And tonight... We can truly say "Together we're invincible"

I personally love this quote from Invincible by MUSE. I love everything by muse though. ATodays going to be a rough day, I can already feel it. I just hope I can make it through this week in one peice... literally.

Song... Lyrics... Hollywood Undead

My Black Dahlia :

I loved you, you made me, hate me. You gave me, hate, see?. It saved me and these tears are deadly.

You feel that? I rip back, everytime you tried to steal that.You feel bad? you feel sad? Im sorry,

hell no fuck that! It was my heart, it was my life, it was my start, it was your knife. This strife

it dies, this life and these lies. And these lungs have sung this song for too long, and its true I

hurt too, remember I loved you!

I've , Lost it all, fell today,It's all the same

I'm sorry oh

I'm sorry no

I've , been abused, I feel so used, because of you

I'm sorry oh

I'm sorry no

I wish I could I could have quit you. I wish I never missed you, And told you that I loved you, every

time I Fucked you. The future that we both drew, and all the shit we've been through. Obssed with the

thought of you, the pain just grew and grew! How could you do this to me? Look at what I made for you,

it never was enough and the world is what I gave to you. I used to be love struck, now I'm just fucked

up. Pull up my sleeves and see the pattern of my cuts!

(Chorus)

Seems like all we had is over now you left to rest.

And your tears are dried up now, you just lay without a sound.

Seems like all we had is over now, you left to rest.

And my fears are over now, I can leave with my head down.

(Chorus)



The Loss :

Sick with myself, but I've got no one else,

so I give it to myself it's the only thing that helps

it's the same thing this pain thing that keeps me from sleeping

and screaming that god I must be motha fucking dreaming

and I can rest in peace and at least cease to be

cease to see those things in me that make me wanna cease to breath

and ceased to need and ceased to feed, sickness that's in me

this is all that I can be, I can't breath as I bleed



(Chorus)
I don't know why I cut myself, god, give me a sign or help

I wont cry it'll be fine, I'll take my last breath

push it out my chest till theres nothing left



I know that my minds near the end, god, I hurt myself and fell

I wont cry it'll be fine, I'll take my last breath

push it out my chest till theres nothing left



Have you ever met a living legend, just a real friend who planned his

end and where do I began you said it was pretend. And when the bullet

went through it took more then just you, it took two it was you it was

me and suddenly...... How can someone say they're helpless and then they act so

selfish. You put me through hell with this so fuck you lets just end

this. And what about our friendship and what you did was senseless. You

thought you found an exit. Like I said lets end this
(Chorus)
I just wanna say good bye, Disappear with no one knowing

I don't wanna live this lie, smiling to the world unknowing

I don't want you to try, you've done enough to keep me going

I'll be fine, I'll be fine, I'll be fine for the very last time

(Chorus)

. Face . It... You're Time Is Running Out.

Honestly, look at the monsters we've faced. I could have avoided them, but I stayed with you. Every demon I looked in the eyes, I did it for you. But now, I look back, and the monsters were never real. All the demons were just the mask the true problem hid behind. Though it kills me to say it, the whole time it was you. I love you but the feeling in my stomach is telling me I can't go on. Torn in half, I'm living this lie that I'm fine with all of this. Look into my eyes, I want you to see the pain behind them. How is it that I feel so alive and dead at the same time. I need you to hold me. I need you to take my hand, and save me for real. This pretending needs to stop. Every tear has brought me to this. Turn this around, or turn and leave. There are chances that are about to be risked, and it kills me to know that you aren't even here to defend my staying. I need you to prove I mean something, to prove there's more than a story we're built on. God damnit, be the person you were when our lives collided. You were strong, and unafraid. Now, I hardly recognize the man beneath the armor. You have to prove to me that my love is worth something. I'll strike myself down before I let myself be hurt. But don't think for one second that I won't go through with it. I've faced my fears, I've faced death... Facing this will be no different. I'm just bleeding inside and you aren't here to help me. I need you to pull me out of the shadows I've surrounded myself in. I love you, but if it comes to it, I'll leave without looking back. I can't let someone hurt me again.

Here... Is Some Random Stuff... Enjoy XD

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DNKCYqW8mL8&NR=1

* This * Is Screaming Photo-Op :3

My guitar... and a quote from lyrics written by a friend :3
Just felt like sharing a photo ^_^

- Fake - Stereo Typing Shallow Chameleons

People misunderstand one another alot. Many people are stereo typing fiends. People who believe in a status quo dictated by cliques and "popularity" ... are crazy in my opinion. People are people so shut-up and keep your judgments to yourselves. BTW, if you think you're "so cool" 'cause you're wearing a skin tight, insanely low cut shirt that we can see your bra through... you just look cheap. Have some class.

X-Ray Photography

I Can Feel These Things Under My [ Skin ] Again

http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/daytoremember/holdinitdownfortheunderground.html

I don't know why, but I'm loosing feeling. My heart's nothing but dry ice now. I'm tired of going through the motions... pretending I'm happy and okay. All I do is act the way you remember me. Smiling, laughing, and being off beat. I don't want to laugh or smile. I have no internal need to be anything but silent. Food's lost its taste. Sunrises and sunsets are blurred together. The beauty in the world has taken a new shape, a new persona. Love songs start sounding like sob stories with no real ending. This sinking feeling is growing faster than vines. I'm done with struggling in the quicksand of my past. It's successfully drained me. I don't know if I'm seeing things clearly, or with the eyes of the returning demons. I'll sit in my cave, hoist the white flag, and submerse into myself once more.

[ Life ] Is Pretty Bipolar Ain't It?

So as confused and in a whirl as I am, I do have some more stability now. I started a new journal last night. I go through these things like Kleenex I swear. So far nothing is helping with my ability to sleep. The only way to sleep, is to push myself to exhaustion, then just pass out on the couch. Last night was one of such nights, and I actually passed out watching a show about the 15 most shocking acts of violence. I'm a bit concerned that the horrifying shootings didn't keep me up. However, I most likely would have changed the channel when it got to Columbine. Every thing about that incident makes me sick.

Sometimes I wish I could be a wizard and just *POOF* all of the worlds problems away. But then I got thinking... If there are no issues, how would there be progress. People aren't without faults. If all the problems go away, people may not be able to exist. As weird as that sounds. And when you think about it... taking the worlds problems away, would be eliminating the entire human race. And that would solve nothing. I know I haven't been posting very often. I've had alot on my plate, and a very tiny fork. I'm thankful school started up again, so I'm not in the house doing nothing but watching re-runs of Criss Angel and Gilmore Girls.

I'm trying to get myself together, which is proving harder than I ever expected. All the habits I'm trying so desperately to break are calling to me. I feel a bit like an addict on detox. But I have my music, so it isn't as bad as it could be. I'm hangin' in there.

[ What ] Needs To Be Said

You see that girl, yeah her? she seems so invincible, right? But just touch her & she'll wince. she has secrets & trusts no one. she's the perfect example of betrayal. cause everyone that she's ever trusted broke her.

What is heartbreak? heartbreak is lying on the bathroom floor, trying your damn hardest to breathe while at the same time wondering why and where it all went wrong, and how your gonna get up and pretend like everything is all right, and what the hell are you gonna do about that hole in your chest? yea, thats heartbreak.

I Don't [ Know ]

" I'm going to smile like nothing's wrong, Talk like everything's perfect, Act like it's just a dream, And pretend that he's not hurting me. "

[ Fade ] Away, Don't Stop Me

I don't know where to begin. Every problem is pounding inside my skull. The pressure keeps building with every second that goes by. How do I control these monsters that take over? I can hardly keep my own mind in check. My heart beats 100 beats per second, though it's barely audible. With a heart so fragile and weak, I still let myself fall into dreamtime. These thoughts are floating in dangerous places. I know I should reach out, but I don't want to. I'm willing myself to go off on my own, but I know it's a deathwish. I miss the people who are long since out of my life. I can't figure out these jigsaw puzzles. Every second my addictions are pulling on my sanity. After all the times I gave in, with every cut and bruise. I want it back, but it's deadly. Pulling at my skin, I sit in silence. Waiting for the clairity that will never show. I see their faces, and it haunts me. Crying is my only relief tonight. Sleep has been out of reach, scared away. I don't want the nightmares to come back. I'm terrified and lost... with no way out.

The Things My [Mind] Is Singing

I'm sitting in a place that isn't there. I know I've fallen down. Back through the cracks where I started. My mind is empty but filled to the brim. Everything is layed out in front of me, and I don't know where to begin. Every lie, every tear, every word I spoke. I can't make sense of where I am. You can't find it on a map, you just stubble upon it. Like a lost item in the attic. But unlike the newly found item, this is something not worth finding. It's your every fear, every nightmare. It's all the pain you've felt and the times you've failed. I've been here before, and got out. But this time, there's new mountains. I don't understand what's brought me to this. I'm terrified, shaking, crying. I watch my hands as they tremble. My eyes pan up my arms, following the scars etched into them. Being reminded of my pain daily, is the toughest thing to do.

[This] Is What You Do In Summer School

Writing assignment in summer school :). Comments?

Music

Music has always been a huge part of my life. For me, it’s one of those things that you turn to whenever you need support. It’s a beautiful thing. Music is like people; there are many kinds. Just like people are different, so are songs and bands. The one thing they share in common is their language. I don’t mean spoken language; I mean the kind that speaks to your heart. It’s almost as if it’s a universal language. Sometimes, the lyrics aren’t the part of the song the artist wants to speak to you. The way I see it, music is the magnifying glass of emotion. Sure, you can say you’re angry. But if you play a drum with sharp, loud beats, it’s just as effective. For me, music is my security blanket. I hold it closer than a child holds a teddy bear. To just put on my headphones and drown out the world, it just makes the stress melt away. I feel like when I relate to a song, it’s as if I’m finding a long lost family. Music is like love. It can be found. It can be shared. It can cause joy as well as tears. Best of all; music can never die. Music is eternal.

A Hope

A hope I have is to become a writer. Whether it’s for a magazine as a journalist, or a critic; whether I’m writing books. As long as I’m writing, I’m happy. After high school I want to go to college out in California; bright sunny California. It’s a new place to start a new life. I’m not saying I’ll leave everyone here behind. I’m saying I want a fresh start. I want to prove to myself that I can go out into the world and succeed. When a mother bird feels it’s time for her chicks to fly, she pushes them out of the nest. I want to be my own mother bird. I know, given the chance, I can soar. I know I’ll be feeling a combination of fear and joy and sadness. But it’s worth it. If I just stay in one spot and try to lean on everyone, I’ll never learn how to do things on my own. Writing is something I love to do. I’m determined to make this work.

How I Hope to Finish High School

High school's hard. A whole lot harder than I expected. Not so much in the academic sense, but just everything put together. Academics, social, self issues, responsibility, work, and then just getting older in general. I want to be able to graduate with better grades than I have now. I really hope to turn everything around. High school is like the world most difficult balancing act. Even just having to get to school by 7:30 is kind of miserable. Family of course tries to step in and say they know how to run your high school life. Explaining to them that you want to do things on your own, that your situation is different, is difficult. Problems come up; people come in and out of your life. Staying focused on school is somewhat harder than I thought it would be. We all have to be a little selfish in this time in our lives. We all need to do what’s best for us. High school is just kind of here to try to teach us that too.

A Wise Family Member

Since I was little, I’ve always felt my grandfather knew everything. He’s wise as an owl, and has the memory of an elephant. He knows everything it seems. Not one time that I’ve talked to him have I not learned something from him. He’s just full of information. Every room has some kind of history book in it; he’s a bit of a history buff. We take walks around the lake, and when we do, we always seem to find our way into the old cemetery. It’s nice to be able to have an educated conversation with someone. But I think it’s so important for me to talk about things, even history, with him. He’s been through years of more life than I have. I really learn a lot from him. He has all these sayings for life too. They’re kind of cliché, but they’re still very helpful. For example, “Keep an eye on the pennies and the dollars will save themselves”. Though they seem a little lame, they actually help. And they’re true! Ever since he told me that, I’ve kept a piggy bank for quarters. I have 100 dollars of quarters now, and only in a matter of weeks! He’s very smart, and I respect him very much.

A Time I Felt Judged

As you can probably see, I’m not exactly a girly-girl. I grew up on a street with all guys, so I’d rather throw around a football than go buy lip gloss. Over the years I’ve gained a bit of what my mom calls a “scary” appearance. I love the way I look, but not everyone judges you by who you are as a person. Some people judge you on how you look, which has been an issue for me. I remember the first time I was judged on my appearance; it was by someone I thought was a friend. We hadn’t seen each other for a few months, so we planned a day together. She didn’t even recognize me! When I went up to her she gave me a dirty look. When I told her it was me she was shocked. That day was just full of awkward moments. We still don’t talk much. In her eyes, she thinks I’m a freak; she sees me as a “Degenerate” and for some reason “Goth”. I am clearly none of these. But it’s all how the other person perceives you. I don’t like judging people by their looks. If you do that, you only end up getting people who, though they look like you, they might not be good people too. People are more than just their looks; people are different. Sure I’m sad I lost a friend, but that’s one less shallow person in my circle of friends.

A Time I Overcame a Challenge

About a year ago, I was on crutches. A soccer injury left me with a 3rd degree sprain, bruised bones, a pulled tendon, and nerve damage. As I dancer, I didn’t take to the whole situation so lightly. I was off that foot for a good 3 months. After I was finally off the crutches, I still had to wear the ankle brace, which I only stopped wearing a few months ago. Regaining the strength to dance was a challenge. Not only had I been letting my ankle get weak, but that whole leg. I had to work hard at physical therapy and at home. The nerve damage is still there, it doesn’t limit me much at all. But a few moths ago when I was training, it was hard to deal with. Everyday I had to do some sort of strength training. I had to get strong enough in my right ankle to go on point again. If it wasn’t strong enough and I went up, I could permanently damage my ankle. Which could have meant the end of most of my dance. I overcame everything and regained almost all my strength. I still am dealing with nerve damage as well as my tendon which, despite the therapy, didn’t fully go back from being stretched. I love dance, and I’m going to continue until I can’t dance anymore.

A Sad Day

When I was 6 years old, I had 2 deaths in the family. I lost a great aunt as well as my great grandmother. I didn’t understand where they went and why they had to go. All I knew was everyone was very sad. I remember the day I found out my great aunt Zella passed away. I had been downstairs playing dress up with my mom. I ran upstairs to show my great aunt because she was living with us at the time. So I ran into her room to show her, and the bed was all made. She wasn’t there. That’s when my mom came up and told me that she had been rushed to the hospital late that night and died there. I guess it’s hard to explain to a little girl what death is. I curled up into her bed and cried a long time. Not too long after that, my grandmothers mother moved in. I knew she was sick, but I didn’t know she would die a month later. I was sitting on the couch when suddenly the house was very anxious. An ambulance showed up and took her away. She also, died in the hospital. It was hard for me to understand why all my relatives were leaving me like this. For a while I refused to go into the hospital, because the only memories I had about it involved death, and I didn’t want to die. It was a very sad time in my life.

My Favourite Colour

My favourite colour is blue. Electric blue, to be exact. It’s the colour of my eyes and the colour of the sky. Blue reminds me of the ocean. I love the ocean; it’s so peaceful. Blue reminds me of my aunt and the flowers she grows in her garden. I think the colour blue suits me well. The colour blue can be associated with a lot of things. Sadness, happiness, hope. Blue reminds me of infinity, like the ocean. When you go to the beach, it looks like the blue water could go on forever. I love painting my nails and toes blue. Especially putting patterns of other neon colours on them. It makes me feel out of the box. Blue just brings so many good things to mind. It’s impossible for it not to be my favourite.

[ This ] Is Draining Me.

I know it's been a long time since I've made a post. Hell, it's been almost a month. I didn't think that I would need this blog so much for a release as I do. There's alot of stuff going on and, to tell you the truth, I'm drained. Physically and mentally drained. There are people I love who are out of reach. As if they were more or less ripped out of my arms. Things I've been dealing with don't seem to be going away. Like my past is lingering as a cloud above my head. Is it wrong that my tears have substituted the rain? I'm not saying I'm angry or vengeful. I'm just sad. There's so much in my head and right now it seems all my support is missing. I don't know where they are. All I can really hope for is that they come back. I'm really struggling to see the better side of me. Or at least what's left of it. I really hope I can get better.

Build Your [ Life ] To Be What You Want.

"Tell my mother, tell my father. I've done the best I can. To make them realize, this is my life. I hope they understand. I'm not angry, I'm just saying... sometimes goodbye is a second chance."

Second Chance - Shinedown

Admit it, you've had that dream before. The one where you live in a beautiful home, married to someone you love. And you have a cute little family, maybe a pet or two. Or maybe you live in an expensive apartment in the city. Either way, no matter what variation, you have an idea of where you want to end up. With me, I want to be in warm California on the beach. There's just something about the ocean that just pulls me to it. From the shore, it looks endless. I want to have a little house along the beach. The kind that I can walk out the back door and be greeted me seashells and sand. But I want to be with the one I love. Having everything I want without the one I love would be pointless. It wouldn't even be worth having. You see, you have to build a future that will make you happy. Don't let anyone get in the way of your dreams. They're the foundation of the future.

There's Darkness Before The Sun [ Rise ]

"But listen. It's those moments when you just wanna give up. The times when you just can't take it anymore. When you think things couldn't get any worse. It's those times that shape who we are. There's darkness before the sun rise" - Pat Gould

[ Life ] Is Not What We've Been Brainwashed To Believe.

"Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the number of moments that take our breath away."

Things are not as they always seem. We've been taught as kids to believe that the world we know is ten times different than the one outside our door. In all truth, it kinda depends. As we've grown older, we form our worlds into what they are today. And we will continue to change them as time goes on. But when they tell us that our world knows nothing about the real world, well, this is bullshit. Everyone goes through stuff that you don't necessarily share with others. Just because you're younger than the people who brought you up or who watch over you, doesn't mean you don't know about the world. On the contrary, you may know more about what they call "the real world" than THEY do. Our generation has lots of issues (not to make us sound crazy). But there are so many forced disorders. There are so many people in this generation who have to deal with drugs, depression, suicide, violence, abuse, neglect, and dangerous situations. And we've dealt with more of it than the generation above us, and the generation about them, and so on and so on. They call us out and say we're lying about it. But in all truth, we feel like we can't tell them about it. Like strangers in our own house. We look to peers as family more than we do our own parents. It's not supposed to be like this, but it is. We've been shoved and knocked down by the very people that are supposed to be helping us. And then they wonder why we don't talk to them as much as we used to? Maybe it's because they try to control every move we make. Try to control who you are and will tear you down if you don't fit the generic mold they want you to fit. It's tearing families apart, and we're getting blamed for it. And I'm sick of it.

[ Fate ] Somehow Decided To Lead Me To You...

Wow. There's just so much to say about you, but I can't seem to find the words to say it. It's unbelievable how a simple kiss can make me just fly. Having you in my life is the best thing that's ever happened. I can feel you're hand linked with mine, and I can't help but let this ridiculous grin appear on my face. You do something to me I just can't explain. It's like when I see you, a wave of relief comes over me. I can't even understand why. Maybe seeing you just reassures me that you're real, and not out of a dream. Or maybe it's because when I'm with you, I know you won't let anything hurt me. You drive my soul, you inspire me. I never knew what it meant to truly love someone before I knew you. Through all the bad times, we've been there for each other. I just can't believe that fate has somehow decided that I deserve you. You mean everything to me. You truly are my guardian angel, and I yours. I hope you know exactly how much I love you. I would do anything to make you happy and I'd take a bullet for you if it came to that.You see, my love, I've given you not just my heart, but all of me. I would give you the universe if I could. And I'd let you name every star, every planet. I'd take you to away, to far off galaxies. Where we could sit alone to watch alien suns and moons, as they trade places in the sky. If I could, I'd freeze time, and take you anywhere you wanted to go. And we'd explore old castles in Ireland, the great pyramids of Egypt. We could climb the highest mountains and look at the world we know. As if we were flying. I'd do it all for you if I could, just say the word, my love, and I will.

A Breakup Letter To My [Past]. A Hotter Future Came Along.

I regret alot of stuff from my life. Some things I don't regret (though I know I should) because it lead me to find the most amazing person in my life. But regret likes following me like a shadow. It's annoying and creepy all at the same time... yaayyyy. Regret sits on your shoulders like a 10000 lb bag of bricks. And it really stresses you out about other things in your life. I regret not letting 20 certain people walk out of my life. I regret holding in everything that's ever hurt me. But no matter how bad it is, I know that all of these events have lead me to be the individual I am today. However screwed up that may be. Because there are people in my life that I wouldn't trade for the world. These people have helped me overcome so much. They've given me new memories to replace the mangled ones. Beautiful memories that only ones close to your heart can help build. I've tried to make myself a better person because of them. And I know I have alot of issues that still need to be solved, but I know I'm not alone. There's people around me who love me now. And sure, life's still fucking hard as hell, I still have my moments where I go straight back to my old habits. But I have friends who love me who are here to catch me after the fall. I guess this is what happens when you let someone love you, isn't it?

Lock . You've Hidden The Key You Bastard.

People think that they can control one anothers lives. Whether this be friends, teachers, or parents. News flash... PEOPLE AREN'T HOUSEPETS! Ugh some people need to get it through their narrow minded, thick skulled, retarded brains that no one is meant to be under the control of another like that. That's called fucking tyrany... dictatorship... or even better, tourcher. Do you understand how bad that can fuck up someones MIND! Think about having someone tell you how you're suppossed to be yourself. Oh and step one toe out of line, and I'll verbally taze you and lock you in a cell. That just isn't living. That's not how life is supossed to play out at all. It makes me sick. Take this from someone who's had someone else try to control them. If you try to do that, that person will develop an extremely powerful hate for you. A kind of hate you can't even imagine. Stop making someone's life miserable.

More... Because I'm Liking Some New Perspectives.

 New Blog... I'll still post on this sometimes... but I'm aiming for a new outlook with this new one. 

Thanks Guys ^_^

http://thosethingsyouscreaminyourpillow.blogspot.com/

Fall... And Now I'll Unravel.

You want to know how I feel? I'll tell you. My life has made me so miserable that I want to leave and never come back. I'm sick of running from my fears. I'm sick of turning to hurting myself to feel better. And I'm fucking through with all this suffering. Because of this I'm going to be scared for the rest of my life. This life has fucked me over and I'm fucking through. I almost ended everything a few days ago. And you know what, I'D DO IT AGAIN TO! Why does everyone want to make me so fucking miserable. THANKS FOR FUCKING ME UP!

Un - [Made]

So now I'm a disease?
You can't take who I've become?
Don't worry...
I'll get rid of me for you.

I Don't [Know]

I'm fading out,
My thoughts aren't clear.
If you love me, help.
I'm filled with fear.

I did it once,
I'll do it again.
I 'm screaming in pain,
And don't have a friend.


This was all I wanted,
But now I don't know.
If this is truly the path
I want to go.

Pain... Something I Know Way Too Well

I can feel my heart beating 100 mph. It's the sensation of burning and freezing in high voltage air. I pray every night that it will collapse and I won't have to endure it any longer. I know this all too well, and I couldn't be more scared. And I'm just aching inside to find who I'm suppossed to be. But is it worth it? All of my thoughts have put me into a downfall. This maximum security is fucking with me. This is the point where I'm beyond tears. I've been forced to believe I'm a monster. My paranoia is catching up to me, I can feel their eyes burning holes in my skin. It's maddening the nightmares I have. I'm terrified to go to sleep. And the truth is, more than once, that knife looks more friendly than not. I'm so deep in myself I just want to scream. This fear isn't going away. It's causing me agony. I'm being kept in this cave, left to die all alone. The gaurd has done no good for my life. The warden has me in chains again, but I doubt for the very last time. Sometimes I look in the mirror, but my reflection makes me cringe in disgust. I see an ugly girl with a ragged look and tears streaming down her eyes. As my blood flows through my veins, my body throbs in agony. With my finger, I trace their outlines along my wrist. Pins and needles crawl up my back. The constant feeling of being alone has done damage. Running away is pointless, this isn't a phisical problem. This is mental abuse, leaving mental bruises and scars on my life. These things are the ones people don't tend to get over. They usually bring them to the grave. The traggedy is that they're death was of their own accord by their own hands. But as twisted as that sounds, it's the saving grace of the damned. We've been brainwashed to believe we have nothing to live for. That we'll never be loved for who we are because we're unnatural and failures. I was told once to not listen to what they say, but it's hard not to. It's hard not to start believing you own up to nothing when you're told that daily. Sure, I'll put on a mask as fake as the movies. I'll put on a show so life like, you would never question it. But I'll be miserable the whole time. In situations like these, depression isn't the right word, because clearly I have fooled the world that I'm fine. This is a state of constant mental breakdown. I've led you all to believe I'm a happy free soul once more. Honestly, I'm walking the thin line of insanity and rage. I have nobody at my side. I'm watching as I become mentaly violent towards myself. On the inside there's a riot that makes any civil war look like a slap fight. I'm wearing down, and for the first time in my life, I'm crying out for help. I'm calling for any soul who can save me from murdering my own. I'm reaching out screaming, and I'm crying because no one will come.

r o o t

My mind has been spinning circles, making large tornados and cyclones. They've made a wreck of my brain. These hurricanes of questions and thoughts are catastrophic. They all have branched out from the root question... "Who am I?"

- Know - How Much...

How is it that one person can make you feel like sunlight? It's like they were crafted to know you inside and out. Is it normal that when I see you, my heart beats 1,000,000,000 miles a minute? When I'm in your arms, everything disapears but you and me. There's something about you that brings who I truly am on the inside. You have this way of knowing exactly what I'm thinking, what I'm feeling. It's weird how you have this ability to break down these barriers I've built. Most of all, you have a gift for putting me at ease. It's almost as if you paralize my nerves, my senses. I'm not going to resent it. I just don't know how you do it. I wish you knew how much you affect me. I hope you know how much you've made me love you.

~Want~ But I'm Gone

I want to live the life I've hoped about.
I want to know the feeling of free-falling for miles.
I want to be weightless and float away.

I dream of falling in love forever.
I dream of running and never comming back.
I dream of creating a world all my own.

I'm done with letting you control me.
I'm done with watching you ruin my soul.
I'm done with listening to how you'll make me like you.

I will die if I'm like you.
I will always stand up to you.
I will never love you.

I hate you for all that you are.
I am leaving with all that I am.
I will show you you're wrong.

You make me sick.
You're dead to me now.
You've lost this war.

You leach
You poser
You killer
You liar
You sicko
You user

I know you're a savage
And I'm done with being hurt.
I'm leaving forever.

- Pass - I'm Never Fitting In

I'm not going to change. I'm not going to try to fit in to your infantile stereotypes. I could care less about what you label me as, because I don't believe in it. Call me scene, emo, punk, goth. You could call me a slut, but that'd be a lie. People aren't meant to be classified and seperated. What's the point? I am who I am. I'm not trying to fit your social patterns. Thanks anyways, but I'll stick to being myself. This is only highschool. In 20 years, who cares if you were the jock, the prep, the skater, or scene? We're all poeple, we bleed the same, we have the same needs, we all want to be loved for who we are.

So, as tempting as it sounds to fit in, I think I'll pass.

[Hide] ... But I Need To Know

I'm going to be honest. I often wonder what my purpose is here. Why is my life the way it is? What am I even doing here in the first place? Hours upon hours I'll be deep in thought. It scares me sometimes. The depth of my own mind. I over think things alot. But one thing that scares me the most is the answers I come up with. Sometimes, I find no answer at all. Other times, I bring my whole exsistance into a new perspective. On more than one occation, I've ended up asking people I hold close for the answers. I don't claim to be currently depressed, don't get me wrong. But I do tend to stray towards that fault line between normality, and unnatural on occation. Does it scare me? No... it haunts me. Does it affect me? Beyond what you believe capable. Life, for me, has to be the scariest balancing act ever preformed. The scales are uneven, on fire, greased, and has a tendancey to give nasty splinters. So given the circumstances, I've managed pretty well. But I'm still left wondering why I'm the target for gunfire. It's like I've been hazed my whole life... for what? And I've gone to hell and back looking for an answer, a reason, some possible explination to why I'm left in the dust. I'm walking on pins and neeldles against my own will. Oh god I just want to fly away and leave all this pressure behind. This burning in my soul that knows that there must be a reason. I know deep down, this isn't all some game. My story is writen somewhere, like a prophesy, just waiting for me to read it. There's an author for it who's hiding it from me, but why. My question is simple, I need a truth.

What is my purpose here?

Help... ?

Why do I feel like somethings going to happen? I have this feeling in my gut that tells me, "Somethings wrong". Why does the smell of breakfast make me nauseous? The aroma of bacon and eggs makes my stomach turn. Is there any reason that, instead of sizzling bacon, I hear a death march? What's going on? This paranoia is driving me wild. It's the feeling you get when a friend knows something that you should know. So tell me... am I going crazy, or do you feel it too?

(OMFG) ... Our Society Today... The Metic Droid

Fer sure maybe fer sure not
Fer sure eh fer sure bomb
Pulled up at a stop light did drugs on the dashboard
Look at the mess we made tonight

Kick off your stilettos
Kick off your stilettos
And fuck me in the backseat
Fuck me in the backseat
You're always falling in disguise
And always quick to compromise

Kick off your stilettos [oh yeah]
Kick off your stilettos
And fuck me in the backseat [fa-fa-fa]
Fuck me in the backseat
Fer sure maybe fer sure not
Fer sure eh fer sure bomb

This is the end of what we planned [of what we planned]
And now.

We're not falling in love
We're just falling apart [so girl let's dance the night away]
This is how the beat goes
This is how the beat goes [Just let your body go]

This is how the beat drops
This is how the beat drops [I wanna see your panties drop girl now]
All this time is wasted pretending we're in love
But that's alright cause you know
I love being with you and seeing you cry

So don't let go-o-o
Well don't let go, no-o
Don't let go

Fer sure maybe fer sure not
Fer sure eh fer sure bomb
Pulled up at a stop light did drugs on the dashboard
Look at the mess we made tonight

Kick off your stilettos
Kick off your stilettos
And fuck me in the backseat
Fuck me in the backseat
You're always falling in disguise
And always quick to compromise

Kick off your stilettos [oh yeah]
Kick off your stilettos
And fuck me in the backseat [fa-fa-fa]
Fuck me in the backseat
Fer sure maybe fer sure not
Fer sure eh fer sure bomb

This is the end of what we planned [of what we planned]
And now.

We're not falling in love
We're just falling apart [so girl let's dance the night away]
This is how the beat goes
This is how the beat goes [Just let your body go]

This is how the beat drops
This is how the beat drops [I wanna see your panties drop girl now]
All this time is wasted pretending we're in love
But that's alright cause you know
I love being with you and seeing you cry

So don't let go-o-o
Well don't let go, no-o
Don't let go

No j-k-j-k-j-k l-o-l-o-l-o-l
I heart your fucking makeup
Oh my god I love your hair
Is that a new tattoo?
Did that piercing fucking hurt?
No j-k-j-k-j-k l-o-l-o-l-o-l

We're not falling in love
We're just falling apart [so girl let's dance the night away]
This is how the beat goes
This is how the beat goes [Just let your body go]

This is how the beat drops
This is how the beat drops [I wanna see your panties drop girl now]
All this time is wasted pretending we're in love
But that's alright cause you know
I love being with you and seeing you cry

So don't let go-o-o [All this time is wasted]
Well don't let go, no-o [Pretending we're in love]
But that's alright cause you know
I love being with you and seeing you cry
But that's alright

This is a song called Fer Sure by The Metic Droid.And it's sad... because this really is how we act today.

[Game] ... Oh The Silly Things In Advisory XD

- The object of the game is to secretly hide clues to what movie your thinking of in your answer. However... In advisory... I pretty much kicked ass. -

Question - "So Kayla... Do you like Canadians?"

Answer - "Well Jessica. I do. I am Canadian myself. However, in a series of unfortunate events, there was a potato famine. And the boy in striped pajamas told my family we had to leave because the strangers next had it in for us. So we had to ask our godfather for help out."

Response to my answer - "Wow... Thanks Kayla"

I soooooooo owned Jessica on that one :) hahahha.

[Away] ... I'll Get Personal Again.

"I love you" isn't for making conversation.
"I need you" isn't just something to say.
"I want you" doesn't belong in lies.
And "I'm sorry" wont make the pain go away.

A heart isn't something to mess with.
Emotions can cuddle then sting.
Now my tears, they fall, 'cause I've learned...
A kiss doesn't promise a thing.

I wish I may, I wish I might
Upon any star that may fall.
That these thoughts won't keep me up tonight.
For to long I've seen 3 in the morn'.

My head, it hits the pillow.
But these crystal eyes won't close.
As my heart starts to freeze over,
Changing to blue from rose.

I pushed away these figures.
I run from all the pain.
I melt into the shadows,
Left cold and in the rain.

This damage, too large, for time to mend.
I'm just gone beyond repair.
Behind this mask, I'm screaming.
Alone, too much to bear.

I'll wear this painted smile.
Go through the motions to trick the witness.
This show, I know, has fooled you all.
And never to a soul will I confess.

This mangled reflection, in these shards.
The ugly girl I'm afraid to face.
Smothering the beauty who lies inside.
Unknowing of her grace.

Shes damaged, yes, her blood runs cold.
She gave up the fight, gave up control.
My inner angel built a wall,
Never to trust a soul.

This mask I've built, I've built it well.
These lies I've woven are empty.
So strong, so delicate, so intricately simple,
One lock, but I'm the key.

I'm not the fool, no not this time.
These icy blues have seen too much.
And pride rebuilds, but souls do not.
Read my warning... "DO NOT TOUCH!"

My heart beats faint, like dying breaths.
Singing ballads. Sick lyrical lies.
I'm reaching for the life, that fire, I hide.
Flames of all colours and unfathomable size.

I'm overcome with fear, but none at all.
Failures I've had, Mistakes I've done.
They tore me down but made me strong
And this war, will never be won.

I realize this, now more than ever.
As I let myself go under, go numb.
I gave up a battle, gave up control,
Automatic. What I've become.

The ugly girl, she screams as she breaks.
The mask's metallic echos... that face I shed.
She sobs in fear, gives up the lock.
As I breathe, I see, her and the mask, are dead.

The inner beauty shines an aura of light.
Outshining any star, and sun.
This feeling, this life, from these blue eyes, they show.
The civil war is over, my life's begun.

I'll make mistakes, I'll be knocked down.
But I'll never give up. Not again. No.
'Cause the fires burning, I'll defy gravity.
Who I'll be? Only time will show.

DAMN... I Miss Being A Ginger :)

When I saw this... I almost peed myself. So yeshh, I is sharing it wif you now :) hahaha.
Damn I miss being a ginger. FUN TIMES XD

"Pain" Doen't Begin To Cover It...

Sometimes I get scared, because your memory is too much to handle. Your face fills my nightmares. Never have I met such a sick twisted soul like yours. So demonic, hell spat it back out. So black a soul, you carry. Around for no other reason than to hurt. To steal. You took every ounce of happiness from me. I was killed inside, in indescribable ways. What you did to me was horrifying on too many levels. Your sadistic, satanic mind makes a porno look like home. To call you a murderer would be an injustice. To call you a murderer would be like calling Hitler innocent. Thoughts of you have scarred my mind. Your perverted insanity lit blue flames to my heart. The word "Pain" doesn't begin to cover howIi felt. Abused, violated, used, victimized, tortured, dead, worthless, like an object. Like some pawn in your sick game. Your ice cold motives penetrated my soul. I bled, and as I did, you laughed. You left me for dead. And for that, I will NEVER forgive you. You mental bastard, I hope you die. I wont rest peacefully until you've felt my pain. This knife I hold is a knife of revenge. It has your name written all over it. I won't rest until it has done the damage you've done to my sanity. I make no threats, that's a PROMISE.