- - - - - - - - Cut Here X - - - - -

I can't believe you're fucking doing this to me! After all I've fucking gone through for you... you fucking lie to me. You've changed and I don't like who you've become. You aren't the same and I hate that. I don't even want to cry at this point... I want to go in my room and deal with this my own fucking way. FUCKING LIE TO ME!!!!!! I only cared about you... that's all. So that makes me not good enough for the truth!?! You fucking jackass. Everyone warned me that you'd do this. But I didn't listen. You know why? Because I'm in fucking love with you. FUCKING HANG ME!!!!! You think I WANT to be in love... you just happened. It scares the shit out of me! You're fucking killing what we have. You've lied so many times. Just stop. Pick one...

Its me or the drugs....

These - Stars - And This Night

Sometimes you need the feel of raindrops on your skin
Just to know that you're alive.
It takes the lightning strike to make your senses come back
To this fake reality.
Just take my hand, my love, and then we'll go,
Far beyond where the oceans reach.

So tonight for once let's take our chances
Let's gamble all our dreams.
I swear baby it'll be worth it in the end.
Because we'll beat the odds.
We'll make it through and come out with more that we started
And we can be happy in one anothers arms.

I'll kiss you under midnight stars
Our heart will beat the same.
No matter what my eyes and my heart are fixated on you
My love is forever.
Just hold me close like you always do...
Let your heartbeat be my lullaby

In These [Eyes] . . .

In these cries, you hear the past.

In these lies, I weld my mask.

In these hopes that wither away

When every second equals a day

In these dreams, relive my pain.

In these seems that split in shame.

In every single word you spoke.

The songs we sung with every note.

It was you who destroyed everything I love.

My tears make a puddle that spells you name

These scars representing what you never gave me

In these eyes I hope you see how much hatred's there for you.

So why can't you look at me? In these eyes...

In these songs, In every beat.

In these fears, you've taken over me.

In these knives, there is no love.

In these knives that hold no love.

In all these faces looking back at me.

In all the letters you will never read.

In these hearts, there in no love.

In your heart that holds no love.

It was you who destroyed everything I love.

My tears make a puddle that spells you name
These scars representing what you never gave me
In these eyes I hope you see how much hatred's there for you.
But with every tear that I'll never cry
So why can't you look at me? In these eyes...
And In these eyes that burn into your skull
These eyes that saw the toucher your mind holds
And through these eyes I saw you for, everything you never were.
So look at me, just look at me, just look into these cold eyes...
Now look at me, oh look at me, afraid to look in my eyes.
See how strong that they've become

My tears make a puddle that spells you name
These scars representing what you never gave me
In these eyes I hope you see how much hatred's there for you.
But with every tear that I'll never cry
So why can't you look at me? In these eyes...

See how strong that they've become.
See how strong that I've become.



Tighten It Up - Confide

I can't stop don't tell me to stop now


I'm going I'm leaving for you

Don't try to hold me back because

Nothing will stop me

I can't stop don't tell me to stop now

I'm going I'm leaving for you

Don't try to hold me back because

Nothing will stop me



I'll be the one to break the mold and move on

I'll be the one to break the mold and move on



So come to me

(I'll make you clean)

I'll make you clean cuz I can see

(What you are going through)

What you're going through

So come to me

(I'll make you clean)

I'll make you clean cuz I can see

(What you are going through)

What you're going through

So come to...



I'm so sure this is where you want me

I'm seeing the way that you do

I need a sign right now because

I'm waiting for something

I'm so sure this is where you want me

I'm seeing the way that you do

I need a sign right now because

I'm waiting for something



I'll be the one to break the mold and move on

I'll be the one to break the mold and move on



So come to me

(I'll make you clean)

I'll make you clean cuz I can see

(What you are going through)

What you're going through

So come to me

(I'll make you clean)

I'll make you clean cuz I can see

(What you are going through)

What you're going through

So come to...



We've come too far to

Lose all that you build

It's all that we have

It's all that we know

We've come too far to

Lose all that you build

It's all that we have

It's all that we know



So come to me

I'll make you clean cuz I can...

(I can see!)

(What you are going through)

What you're going through

So come to me

(I'll make you clean)

I'll make you clean cuz I can see

(What you are going through)

What you're going through

So come to me

I'll make you clean cuz I can...

MUSE And Stuff....

Do it on your own. It makes no difference to me. What you leave behind, What you choose to be. And whatever they say... Your souls unbreakable. During the struggle they will pull us down. But please, please let's use this chance to turn things around. And tonight... We can truly say "Together we're invincible"

I personally love this quote from Invincible by MUSE. I love everything by muse though. ATodays going to be a rough day, I can already feel it. I just hope I can make it through this week in one peice... literally.

Song... Lyrics... Hollywood Undead

My Black Dahlia :

I loved you, you made me, hate me. You gave me, hate, see?. It saved me and these tears are deadly.

You feel that? I rip back, everytime you tried to steal that.You feel bad? you feel sad? Im sorry,

hell no fuck that! It was my heart, it was my life, it was my start, it was your knife. This strife

it dies, this life and these lies. And these lungs have sung this song for too long, and its true I

hurt too, remember I loved you!

I've , Lost it all, fell today,It's all the same

I'm sorry oh

I'm sorry no

I've , been abused, I feel so used, because of you

I'm sorry oh

I'm sorry no

I wish I could I could have quit you. I wish I never missed you, And told you that I loved you, every

time I Fucked you. The future that we both drew, and all the shit we've been through. Obssed with the

thought of you, the pain just grew and grew! How could you do this to me? Look at what I made for you,

it never was enough and the world is what I gave to you. I used to be love struck, now I'm just fucked

up. Pull up my sleeves and see the pattern of my cuts!

(Chorus)

Seems like all we had is over now you left to rest.

And your tears are dried up now, you just lay without a sound.

Seems like all we had is over now, you left to rest.

And my fears are over now, I can leave with my head down.

(Chorus)



The Loss :

Sick with myself, but I've got no one else,

so I give it to myself it's the only thing that helps

it's the same thing this pain thing that keeps me from sleeping

and screaming that god I must be motha fucking dreaming

and I can rest in peace and at least cease to be

cease to see those things in me that make me wanna cease to breath

and ceased to need and ceased to feed, sickness that's in me

this is all that I can be, I can't breath as I bleed



(Chorus)
I don't know why I cut myself, god, give me a sign or help

I wont cry it'll be fine, I'll take my last breath

push it out my chest till theres nothing left



I know that my minds near the end, god, I hurt myself and fell

I wont cry it'll be fine, I'll take my last breath

push it out my chest till theres nothing left



Have you ever met a living legend, just a real friend who planned his

end and where do I began you said it was pretend. And when the bullet

went through it took more then just you, it took two it was you it was

me and suddenly...... How can someone say they're helpless and then they act so

selfish. You put me through hell with this so fuck you lets just end

this. And what about our friendship and what you did was senseless. You

thought you found an exit. Like I said lets end this
(Chorus)
I just wanna say good bye, Disappear with no one knowing

I don't wanna live this lie, smiling to the world unknowing

I don't want you to try, you've done enough to keep me going

I'll be fine, I'll be fine, I'll be fine for the very last time

(Chorus)

. Face . It... You're Time Is Running Out.

Honestly, look at the monsters we've faced. I could have avoided them, but I stayed with you. Every demon I looked in the eyes, I did it for you. But now, I look back, and the monsters were never real. All the demons were just the mask the true problem hid behind. Though it kills me to say it, the whole time it was you. I love you but the feeling in my stomach is telling me I can't go on. Torn in half, I'm living this lie that I'm fine with all of this. Look into my eyes, I want you to see the pain behind them. How is it that I feel so alive and dead at the same time. I need you to hold me. I need you to take my hand, and save me for real. This pretending needs to stop. Every tear has brought me to this. Turn this around, or turn and leave. There are chances that are about to be risked, and it kills me to know that you aren't even here to defend my staying. I need you to prove I mean something, to prove there's more than a story we're built on. God damnit, be the person you were when our lives collided. You were strong, and unafraid. Now, I hardly recognize the man beneath the armor. You have to prove to me that my love is worth something. I'll strike myself down before I let myself be hurt. But don't think for one second that I won't go through with it. I've faced my fears, I've faced death... Facing this will be no different. I'm just bleeding inside and you aren't here to help me. I need you to pull me out of the shadows I've surrounded myself in. I love you, but if it comes to it, I'll leave without looking back. I can't let someone hurt me again.

Here... Is Some Random Stuff... Enjoy XD

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DNKCYqW8mL8&NR=1

* This * Is Screaming Photo-Op :3

My guitar... and a quote from lyrics written by a friend :3
Just felt like sharing a photo ^_^

- Fake - Stereo Typing Shallow Chameleons

People misunderstand one another alot. Many people are stereo typing fiends. People who believe in a status quo dictated by cliques and "popularity" ... are crazy in my opinion. People are people so shut-up and keep your judgments to yourselves. BTW, if you think you're "so cool" 'cause you're wearing a skin tight, insanely low cut shirt that we can see your bra through... you just look cheap. Have some class.

X-Ray Photography

I Can Feel These Things Under My [ Skin ] Again

http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/daytoremember/holdinitdownfortheunderground.html

I don't know why, but I'm loosing feeling. My heart's nothing but dry ice now. I'm tired of going through the motions... pretending I'm happy and okay. All I do is act the way you remember me. Smiling, laughing, and being off beat. I don't want to laugh or smile. I have no internal need to be anything but silent. Food's lost its taste. Sunrises and sunsets are blurred together. The beauty in the world has taken a new shape, a new persona. Love songs start sounding like sob stories with no real ending. This sinking feeling is growing faster than vines. I'm done with struggling in the quicksand of my past. It's successfully drained me. I don't know if I'm seeing things clearly, or with the eyes of the returning demons. I'll sit in my cave, hoist the white flag, and submerse into myself once more.

[ Life ] Is Pretty Bipolar Ain't It?

So as confused and in a whirl as I am, I do have some more stability now. I started a new journal last night. I go through these things like Kleenex I swear. So far nothing is helping with my ability to sleep. The only way to sleep, is to push myself to exhaustion, then just pass out on the couch. Last night was one of such nights, and I actually passed out watching a show about the 15 most shocking acts of violence. I'm a bit concerned that the horrifying shootings didn't keep me up. However, I most likely would have changed the channel when it got to Columbine. Every thing about that incident makes me sick.

Sometimes I wish I could be a wizard and just *POOF* all of the worlds problems away. But then I got thinking... If there are no issues, how would there be progress. People aren't without faults. If all the problems go away, people may not be able to exist. As weird as that sounds. And when you think about it... taking the worlds problems away, would be eliminating the entire human race. And that would solve nothing. I know I haven't been posting very often. I've had alot on my plate, and a very tiny fork. I'm thankful school started up again, so I'm not in the house doing nothing but watching re-runs of Criss Angel and Gilmore Girls.

I'm trying to get myself together, which is proving harder than I ever expected. All the habits I'm trying so desperately to break are calling to me. I feel a bit like an addict on detox. But I have my music, so it isn't as bad as it could be. I'm hangin' in there.